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M&M Genetics
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue
the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end,
I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher,
and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have
hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the
intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and
snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably
this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the
candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to
its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the
strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one
as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
M&M Mars
A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503
along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a
free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I
have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of
hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets
Milton Zelman
Which color M&M do most people prefer?
Surprisingly, it's the brown M&M (perhaps because it looks most like chocolate?) Market research conducted by the company that makes the candy has determined that brown is the favorite, so that's what each bag contains the most of.
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