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Northeners and Southerners Good advice for travelers...
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle House
* The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
* The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
* The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
* The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.
* The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
* The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
* The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
* The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.
* The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
* In the South: -- * If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
* Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
* Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's is plural possessive.
* Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
* Save all manner of bacon grease in an old coffee can. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
* Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
* The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," as in "big'ol" truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
* The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no
longer proper.
* Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
* If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
* If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
* And if they say a big ole hurricane is heading to your town, go directly to the grocery store and buy all manner of canned goods, especially Spam and Vienna (pronounced Vy - Enna) Sausages, cause they'll go quick.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits
We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment. ~Hilaire Belloc
In Atlanta, GA, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
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