For all those who have lived in Florida understand, and for those wanting to visit Florida, please be mindful of these driving tips!
This is a message which is intended to encourage you to drive as safely as you possibly can, because many people in Florida firmly believe that:
A right-lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right, as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction arrows.
Turn signals will give away your next move; a real Florida driver NEVER uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of actually getting hit.
Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. (For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs).
The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, they are only there to make Florida look "high-tech" and to distract you from seeing the State Police car parked behind the grassy knoll. (The signs are REALLY used to keep people from driving fast..."gee, that sign said that there is traffic in another 5 miles...I better slow down NOW".)
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Florida driver (usually either a Clearwater driver in a shiny BMW or a Holiday driver in a 1990 Toyota Corolla), flashing his beams behind you, doesn't think he can go faster in that same spot you currently occupy.
Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Florida...EVER.
ALWAYS slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Florida is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to our State Legislature, who leaves potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
It is traditional in Florida to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
